l0w sElf eSteEm

oh, today is not my day..
it's always been better, day by day.. i start to like it, enjoying the days...
but now... first time menangis sebab kerja..
it's not about stress, it's definitely nothing to do with them..
i've been holding this feeling for quite some times.. i thought it's nothing... it's only the beginning of the carrier... bla3...
but now, i cry... benci perasaan macam ni..
sampai bila nak macam ni? i have no idea...
been compared, been judged in such a way... no improvement seen... everything is always bad about me.. nothing good~ dia ni bagus.. yang dia tu pula excellent... yang lagi sorang always confident, very good...
damn~ it's only me... never been better? don't have any chance for improvement? i don't know whether i'm looking for appreciation.. i don't even deserve it, how can i ask for it?
i have no idea... sangat tidak selesa dengan perasaan low self esteem macam ni~

eDiSi rAmaDhaN~

Alhamdulillah... ramadhan bertandang lagi.... bersyukur sangat sebab umur masih pajang untuk bertemu ramadhan... terima kasih Ya Allah... =)

edisi ramadhan kali ini.. sedikit sopan kan saya? yeay! :D
pertama kali sambut ramadhan dengan status diri "bekerja"
awal dulu risau jugak sebab konon mengada2, takut tak larat.. dusta belaka semua tu..
bila kerja, walaupun penat tapi tak terasa langsung.. rasa macam biasa je sebab yerla.. masa cepat berlalu... sibuk, ramai patients.. sedar2 dah balik.. berbuka... Alhamdulillah~

raya... baju raya tak beli lagi!!!
gaji, silalah keluar.. barulah saya pergi shopping.. :p

eh, post ni macam kekurangan motif la... dah tak tahu nak tulis apa da.. hahaha~

hepy ramadhan semua... =)

k0mitmEn~

setelah bergelar graduan (tak habis lagi version perkataan kegemaran ni rupanya), barulah terasa komitmen yang totally berbeza...
buat masa ni, memang tak ada angan2, impian, harapan, keinginan langusng untuk sambung belajar.. seriously! dulu memang ada... ingat nak sambung master lepas dah kerja, cari pengalaman..
sekarang rasa macam......... tak apalah.. sementara ada kerja tetap ni, teruskan la.. apa yang jadi lepas ni, we have no idea at all kan? tapi sekarang, my heart is in Sunmed~ =) (ayat kena gedik, baru mencapai misi.. apa entah misinya? lalala~)

so.. berakhirnya journey di UKM, saya kini di Sunmed.. komitmen kerja sangat2 berbeza dengan belajar.. langsung tak sama... tanggungjawab macam berat.. maybe orang kata "ala, budak baru kerja memang macam tu..." tapi, tak tahu la... penat ada, sedih ada, risau tak payah cakap la... plus, competition among colleagues sendiri, tiring than competing your own self... happy memang happy.. enjoy memang enjoy... but sampingannya? :p
oh post saya semakin serius... lalala~

temankan saya berusaha ok? insyaAllah, everything's gonna be fine... hopefully~ =)
(baru kerja, belum komitmen kahwin lagi! hahahahaha~ sepak la aku sekarang!)

bila post serius, saya tak main font colour2. tapi macam boring.. so, saya sengaja tambah2 di bawah ini untuk letak colour... lalalala~

sAyA kini bErgELar GraDuaN! =)

09082010
keramat kot! saya konvo... yeay~ *clap2*

4 tahun study.. rasa macam lama kan? tapi cepat sangat masa berlalu... kenangan banyak yang teramat~

i was happy with my convo.. first time i tried wearing different style of tudung.. chubby! searching for new baju kurung, one day b4 the convo.. hanging out with my family on the 8th and 9th.. it was, one of the most happiest day in my life..

but then, when u think back.. your life as a student, u kinda miss it... =)
working is great as well, but never be the same as student, definitely! school was totally different.. matriculation and university were on the different page of the book...
times wait for no men... including me~ now i'm 23!

so.. with the end of these, i'm now...
GRADUAN! hahaha... dunno why, i kinda like the word "graduan" (ada korang kisah??!! :P)

p/s: sangat sedih sebab tak dapat bergambar dengan kawan2 seangkatan lepas keluar dewan... rushing, and searching~ huuu...

0ne dAy sTorY~

hari ini hari ahad, esok isnin... mari bekerja~

semalam sabtu, pergi bangi ambik jubah.... colour pink u, ouch!
i'm in pink on 09/08/2010... feel free to come.. =)

bila cakap pasal ambik jubah, otak terus automatik fikir "mesti ramai tak hengat! nak kena berebut saiz lagi.. nanti dapat jubah besar2 (padahal tk sedar yang badan sendiri memang bukan saiz kecil kan) lalala...

bila dah sampai sana, terkejut sikit... sikit je tau! parking boleh dapat betul2 depan dectar.. yang hanya perlu jalan 2 minit untuk ke kaunter mungkin? (sebenarnye nak cakap yang tak ramai orang kat situ... metaforanya, parking depan dectar.. kalau ramai, sahih tak ada parking dekat) baru ingat nak jadi macam House MD... pakai metafora jee... cis! tak jadi... lalalala~

lepas tu, pergi alamanda... plan sangat banyak ok... lepas makan dengan seronok, borak kuat2, gelak terkeluar nasi, kami2 yang dah lama tak jumpa ni pun berbincang.. apa plan? nak lepak sampai midnight ni...
ok, pergi cinema... tengok tiket, tak ada yang sesuai dan berkenan..
next, bowling.. ramai, tak percaya.. 20 orang in the waiting list... jadi, sekian terima kasih... kirim salam je la kat abang jaga kaunter...

seterusnya... pergi mana? budak2 PDR... dah macam trademark pun ada... kami pergi karaoke laa pulaaa... aish~ memang tak boleh lari... ;p

PDRians, cendanas... serius rindu kamu semua... :(

p/s: penyakit takut kucing saya semakin serius! selama ni memang terasa "kucing, go away from me!" tapi semalam terasa macam "kucing, please don't come any nearer" (sila ingat nada percakapan saya macam mana.. i love using dialogues to describe my emotions)... perlu segera ubati... sebab dah rasa benci dengan diri sendiri macam gedik... need to love kucing soon!

uPdAte~

walllaaaweh... blog berhabuk, stylo! =)

sebulan tak update blog, konon macam sibuk tak ingat kan? padahal every single night, my facebook and ym is on...

anyway! update...

working - is sooooo much better than "last month" (please refer to my previous post - bajet korang kisah.. lalala~) the environment is better.. still in the learning progress, but... not bad.. less pressure...

convo - this saturday, i'm going to ukm bangi... ambil jubah, and settle all those stuff... honestly, i don't have the "excited" mood yet.. macam sedikit malas? :( remember zira!! this is once, in a lifetime!! but, think about the reunion with my coursemates, it's a pleasure... the convocation will be held on 9th august, feel free to stop by... =)

love story - me? not yet... dira? hell yeahhhhhhhhh!! she's engaged ok! congrats oi!! :D

family - biasa je.. tak ada apa nak di update sangat~ suria my niece, is very cute!! like auntie, like niece la kan... tengoklah makcu dia... HAHAHAHAHA~

future plan - planning to buy my very first car...................... dreaming, dreaming and keep dreaming. but still, haven't decide yet... hurm~
and of course, searching for him... please coming soon wokeyh! :D kidding... (kalau ya, apa salahnya? hahahaha ... semakin MUDA, semakin gatal.. yeay!)

that's all.. thanks for your time... =)

sEmiNgGu?

5 days working is ..........

exhausted? sikit, sebab dah lama tinggal zaman klinikal..

sakit kaki! teramat... kerusi? oh.. tak cukup..

pressure? yes... sebab trying to catch up the complex working system.. and trying to do the very best of everything which is definitely impossible in one week... and also, trying to avoid any kind of mistakes which i dah selamat buat dah, a few pulak tu. :p

overall... i really need masa, masa and masa to change my mentality... i am no longer a student.. i am now, a staff~ otak pun dah sedikit lembap untuk catch up semua benda baru yang dipelajari... thanx to tidur and tidur and tidur masa cuti.. tahniah~ :p

the hardest part is, confident.. i have no idea how long would it take to build my confident... kalau setiap kali buat benda pun kena tanya, serius macam student.. i think i know what to do.. it's just, macam i always need a double confirmation.. entah..

tiba2 rindu zaman student.. rasa less responsible sikit... i dislike commitment.. dari dulu, sampai sekarang... :(

aWaRd~

credit t0 zacko for the award... =) thanx zac!

soalan2nya...

Kenapa anda suke blogging?
sebab suka something fancy macam background colour2, boleh pilih ok! dan membebel dalam masa yang sama.. haha~

Adakah anda bahagia dengan kehidupan anda sekarang..?
Alhamdulillah.. so far so good! =)

Apakah impian anda 5 tahun akan datang?
ini soalan spot utk interview ni! jawapan skema boleh? haha..
'impian' yg sebetulnya ialah utk ada steady bf.. :p (trying to be honest here.. segan pula rasanya! hihiii)

Siapakah orang yang anda mahu sentiasa ada disisi anda..?

family and friends!
(zac, tertiru jawapan kau... macam tak ada jawapan lain je? takkan nak list out nama? eh, PERLU KE BAGI PENJELASAN KAT KAU! oh, zira dah serius!)

Sila beri award ini kepada 5 orang yang anda suka..

SKMS
Mai
Jun
Kak Chidah
Padil
(nak letak lagi nama lain boleh?)


Beri pendapat kamo tentang award ini..
stylo seyh! kalau dapat real, sumpah aku gilap kepala dia kasi licin selama2nya..

Me & ThaLaSseMia thingy~

ok, result medical check up sudah diketahui.. everything's fine except............
.
.
..

"can u come tomorrow morning? Doctor needs to review your result?"
"ok.. tomorrow should be okay for me.. but, the review is for....?"
"do you have any family members who suffered with THALASSEMIA?"
"ha...?"

ok! i know thalassemia is some kind of genetic disease, something to do with blood.. NOKTAH.itu saja dalam otak..

after the phone call, i rushed to surf the internet, read about thalassemia whatever... got the info, day goes by with nervousness.. for tomorrow's "review". duh! it's creepy!!!!

the next day...
"counseling" by the doctor..
for those suffered with thalassemia..............................

wait2!
"am i the carrier or..... i do have the disease??" (rakusnya saya bertanya!)
"if you ask for my opinion, i would say u are the carrier and yours is minor, which we called as alpha thalassemia because your blood count is normal... it is not serious.. you won't notice that you have it"
"okay...." lega!
"but!... (i hate the word 'but'!!) if u want to make sure, that you are the carrier alpha thalassemia, u can do further test... (ya, saya buat terus test itu!) and, u can also do chromosomal test, which can be done at IMR, KL or u'll go to Australia... in Malaysia, only IMR does the chromosomal test" (tak buat, mahal sungguh)

maka.... bermulalah kaunseling itu.... creepy huh~ thalassemia? who would know about that.. it's genetic, and my father had no idea how to pronounce the word pun. how on earth?! i already asked all my family members to do screening..

so guys... do the screening.. you might be ME, who had no idea at all! :( oh my future husband, please stay away from thalassemia!

it is not compulsory yet in Malaysia, but it is compulsory in any other countries before you've got married.. coz, the next generation will suffer if the gene meets...

uPdaTe

result dah selamat terkeluar...
Alhamdulillah~ lulus semua.. =) insyaAllah boleh convo!!! 4 tahun akan berbayar.. :p

tarikh convo sumpah tak tahu.. rasanya macam pernah dengar pasal 9 ogos? tapi ada kawan cakap, dalam website dia kate raptai 13hb? kejadah pulak raptai after convo? pertama kali akan diaplikasikan.. jadi, abaikan~

kerja? masih belum mula... baru lepas medical check up hari tu.. belum dapat result.. if okay, boleh la kerja... =) insyaAllah..

berat badan? oh, sudah tentu tidak makin langsing... HAHAHAHA~
tetapi, ada dalam list impian dan angan2 dah... diet untuk kuruskan badan... untuk convo.. TERBAIK tak impian saya??!! :D
rancangan diet? masih belum keputusan..
(kalau angan2 kata nak diet, tapi tiba-tiba makan 14 kali sehari, tak tahula apa hasilnya pulak kan?)

pakwe? tak ada lagi.. tapi dah selamat pow orang untuk bagi red rose untuk convo nanti.. hahaha~ kidding.. :p

lain2? tak ada dah... life goes on..

till we meet again.. insyaAllah =)

Lagenda Budak Setan

I did my previous post about local movies and dramas. i claimed that i don't have interest to watch them. apatah lagi watching them from the seat P18, cinema 9! YES! I DID... i went to the cinema to watch this! *clap3*

I read the novel of Lagenda Budak Setan. I admirer the ideas and style of writing of Ahadiat Akashah, the original writer even though i kinda hate all the endings of his writings! memang harapanlah nak dapat happy ending, except for Pilot Cafe, as i recall? correct me if i'm wrong.. he has a very creative ideas and unique style of writing.

ok, back to the movie! i like the idea of the story, to begin with. it's a years back, when i first read this novel. it's very thick! but his style is very sempoi, not a typical skema novels.. so, i don't mind. the movie is about 2 hours played. so, it's kinda rushing to finish up the very thick book story line, in 2 hours. But, still fine for me, as i HATE the slow story line movie.

surprisingly, it is not as bad as i thought it might be.. i think it's still worth it.. it's a sad movie. and it does affects the audiences.. some of them cried badly.. the characters are well played.. thumbs up to Lisa Surihani. her acting is much better compare to his movie, I'm Not Single..

overall, i don't mind to give this movie a 4 stars.. it is worth it.. that's all i can say.. :p

uPdaTe

"Too much of anything can make you sick
Even the good can be a curse
Makes it hard to know which road to go down
Knowing too much can get you hurt"

Lirik di atas adalah dari lagu Cheryl Cole - Fight for This Love.. Just a tiny part of the song.. very nice to read kan? The song is fine.. I like it though..

Anyway...
I want just want to make some life-update.. :p

I'm staying home doing nothing..
.
.
.
.

Oh, tu je? ya.. tu je..
till we meet again..~ =)

h0pE u'LL 0peN ur eYes

i dislike those who really proud of what they're doing when it is totally wrong.. the example of "wrong" that i meant is: kau minum arak atau kau lesbian~ you uploaded all the pictures that you really proud of...

and then u claim dalam status facebook, sounds like this:

"i don't give a crap about what u guys said about me.. i know myself better than you are"

or, it could sounds like this:

"i don't care.. i know what i do.. kalau kau nak kecoh cakap pasal aku, macam lah kau baik sangat"

or:

"i know myself better than those who said a shit about me.. do i care?"

YES, YOU CARE! that's why u're telling us via your fb status! lepas tu mencarut2 dalam fb about those who said "a shit" about you... crap!

kau nak jadi jahat, that's your problem.. tapi bila kau kutuk orang yang cuba tolong nasihat kau, kau memang tak dapat difahami.. tak nak berubah sudah, janganlah kau kutuk kawan kau sendiri..

i'm totally not the kind of person who would give advise to my friend... because i think that they'll know the best, they matured enough to think.. they need time to change, to love Allah.. and i am not good, myself..

so, i admirer those who would be able to advise their friends.. nasihatkan kawan sendiri, jangan minum arak, jangan jadi pengkid.. or something like that... bukan senang nak jumpa kawan macam tu...
it's very sad to know bila orang yang dinasihati pergi kutuk si penasihat... mereka bukan penyibuk!.. i hate that kind of person! really do! :'( tanak kawan...

sEkaDar PenDapAt pEriBadi

post kali ini sangatlah panjang.. =)

baiklah.. bukan saya tak nak menyokong drama atau filem yang dihasilkan oleh karyawan tempatan... kebanyakan drama melayu yang saya pernah tahu adalah klise, menurut pendapat peribadi saya.. apa-apa pun, maafkan saya atas ayat yang mungkin tidak disenangi oleh mana-mana pihak..

idea tipikal drama melayu:

- semua drama nak libatkan cerita bisnes atau pun adegan dalam ofis. dengan pelakon sedang membelek fail, dan konon membaca atau perlu menandatangani apa-apa dokumen. ayah orang korporat.. ibu, mak datin.. ibu-ibu dikampung pula pakai kain batik dan anak tudung..

- gunting dalam lipatan: mesti ada...

- nak tidur pakai mekap.. rambut sangat kemas.

- baru lepas berkejaran dengan penjahat, tapi rambut macam baru lepas disisir rapi.. yang penting, nampak cantik.. adegan apa sekalipun, tak apa.. itulah tujuan lakonan..

- tiada keaslian dalam lakonan... nampak terlalu "berlakon"..

- kisah rebut harta dalam keluarga, kisah anak derhaka atau emak yang jahat akhirnya mendapat balasan terlalu kerap..atau pun kisah lelaki kacak menyukai perempuan kampung atau perempuan yang "kurang moden".. manakala perempuan moden, selalu tikam belakang.. idea tak berkembang..

- watak protagonis terutamanya perempuan TERLALU baik sampai di pijak-pijak kepalanya atau senang kata, dibuli.. watak antagonis pula TERLALU jahat tapi selalu terlepas dari hukuman..

- idea ikut musim.. kalau cerita seram, cerita seram sampai berpuluh-puluh nak keluar..

- baju mesti kena moden dan seksi... perempuan kampung atau watak baik pula mesti berbaju kurung..

saya bukan peminat cerita tempatan.. saya memang jarang tonton drama melayu.. tapi saya bukan pengkritik atau pun berlagak dan berbangga.. cuma minat masih tak datang... saya ingin menyokong industri seni malaysia.. ingin sungguh pergi ke panggung wayang semata-mata kerana ingin menonton filem melayu.. sungguh-sungguh! tapi masih belum ada yang membuatkan saya menonton dengan rela hati...

kononnya nak contohi filem barat.. tapi yang dicontohi cuma "cara pemakaian" dan "adegan kebaratan".. tak salah rasanya kalau kekalkan adat ketimuran dalam jalan cerita.. yang perlu dicontohi bukankah cara lakonan, idea cerita yang kreatif dan pelbagai, aksi dan teknologi yang canggih dan mantap? teringin rasanya nak tengok karya tempatan yang berunsurkan idea cerita seperti Charlie and The Chocolate Factory, Harry Potter, LOTR, iron man? mungkin akan tiba saat itu.. insyaAllah...

saya bukan berlagak pandai, tapi saya penat ditegur "ala, dia mana nak tengok cerita melayu" bila saya pilih cerita barat, cerita taiwan atau hong kong yang lebih dramatik, cerita jepun yang lebih berilmu dan pelbagai, cerita hindustan yang lebih emosi dan menyayat hati?

diingatkan.. ini adalah pandangan peribadi saya.. saya yakin, ramai di luar sana yang menggemari hasil karya tempatan... saya sekadar menyampaikan pendapat.. almaklumlah, duduk di rumah.. TV selalu di buka.. terdetik di hati nak tonton cerita tempatan, sayangnya.... 2 minit sudah cukup untuk menukar siaran..

sekali lagi, maafkan saya atas komen yang mungkin menyentuh mana-mana pihak dan kurang sopan.. maaf...

sPeciaL dEdiCatiOn~

4 years journey as a student of PDR 7th batch, officially end.. Allah knows how sad I am when I had to say goodbye to each one of them.. thousands liter of tears.... 4 years definitely not as short as I think it is...
"sekejapnya masa berlalu" is the common phrase we've said, but then.. when the day has come, all the memories flashing... it is surely a very long journey we had together..

i'm gonna miss Siti Aishah Saleh, Rahimah Rahman, Milani Kamis, Nur Syahirah Shariff, Khairunnaja Mohd Zakaria dan Syahida Nafisyah Abd Hadi the most... I'll never forget our memories especially all the days in our final semester.. also to all PDR 7th batch members, our trip to cameron and pangkor, genting, i city, sentul park, hot spring, sg klah sungkai,broga hills, mcd titiwangsa, look out point and all the other places we went to enjoy our remaining days together will always be in my heart...

jiwang and skema, but sincerely from my heart...

to thilip, zack, wan, arep, ro, naz, lami n mon.. thanx sebab sangat supportive bila kitorang ajak keluar pergi mana2.. melepak, makan2m karok... even though iron man is not the best movie to be enjoyed together, broga hills still memorable kan... =) (w'pon bergaduh juga b4 nak pergi tu!)

special dedication to cendana team as well, u guys had taught me how to be the strongest pemantun and give me a very enjoying days ever... i will remember each of you for sure...

padil n ted, u guys are not my coursemate, not a member of my whatever team, but still... the time we spent and hang out, was precious... u might think it's nothing, but for me, it's something.. i don't have any other friends other than my coursemates who would lepak with me at kfc and kedai makan siam ntah hape ntah namenye.. and also, going to times for twilight.. :p

please stay in touch... forget me not... coz i'll always remember each of you...